This is a good answer Katie - thanks for writing about this! I always try to reassure parents that they can (and should) have clear rules and expectations around kids and substance use - and they don’t have to be the same as the rules for adults.
I write about how to have these talks a lot in my Teen Heath Today newsletter, which folks are welcome to use if they want more tips.
When my children were young - up to maybe 7th or 8th grade, I lied. That was the advice from mainstream pediatricians, at the time: lie. As they start to get invited to parties where you are pretty sure drugs and alcohol will be offered, explain that there are three things that will keep them alive and probably solvent: 1) no pregnancies; 2) No major injuries or diseases that you can prevent.; and 3 ) no interactions with the police - lucky, us white people, with our privilege. Under #3 comes a) No pills, no powders; b) Don't get into the car--ever--when someone drunk in anywhere near the front seat; call if you need a ride and there will be no judgement and no punishment. Just a ride home; and 3) Don't take alcohol, drugs, or even water (roofies!) at a party or bar, if you don't know and very much trust that person. NOW, they will at some point be old enough to hear about whatever party history you've had. The answer to that is: I tried it once and it was a mistake. Period. They will probably accuse you of lying. You say: "Yes, I lied. You weren't old enough to understand why I tried it once (reiterate that!) and so I lied I apologize.". Now #2 - my family is rife with addiction. My husband's is clean as a whistle. I said and say still (they are 18 and 21): you have a 50/50 shot of addiction. Just think about it, when offered drugs and alcohol. Just think about it. People go for years without any signs of addiction, and suddenly, they are in a deep addiction. So, just think about what you do before you do it.
Please note that Requiem is sexually explicit, not in a way that encourages but the opposite however you may want to prescreen and consider fast forwarding over that part based on what is appropriate for your daughter.
There are some powerful movies on addiction that show young people with all potential one would wish slowly decline and lose control of their lives in a way that I think young people understand Requiem for a dream would be a good one to watch with her and have a conversation. And I've heard euphoria is really good but I have not watched it. As a person in recovery who was raised around people who abuse substances people really misunderstand how one goes from being experimental to addicted, which is why I think these shows are worth watching with her.
Sounds like wonderful, realistic advice!
thank you, Candace!
This is a good answer Katie - thanks for writing about this! I always try to reassure parents that they can (and should) have clear rules and expectations around kids and substance use - and they don’t have to be the same as the rules for adults.
I write about how to have these talks a lot in my Teen Heath Today newsletter, which folks are welcome to use if they want more tips.
http://teenhealthtoday.com
I’m still (hopefully) a decade away from needing to have this conversation, but this was really great guidance.
Thank you!
When my children were young - up to maybe 7th or 8th grade, I lied. That was the advice from mainstream pediatricians, at the time: lie. As they start to get invited to parties where you are pretty sure drugs and alcohol will be offered, explain that there are three things that will keep them alive and probably solvent: 1) no pregnancies; 2) No major injuries or diseases that you can prevent.; and 3 ) no interactions with the police - lucky, us white people, with our privilege. Under #3 comes a) No pills, no powders; b) Don't get into the car--ever--when someone drunk in anywhere near the front seat; call if you need a ride and there will be no judgement and no punishment. Just a ride home; and 3) Don't take alcohol, drugs, or even water (roofies!) at a party or bar, if you don't know and very much trust that person. NOW, they will at some point be old enough to hear about whatever party history you've had. The answer to that is: I tried it once and it was a mistake. Period. They will probably accuse you of lying. You say: "Yes, I lied. You weren't old enough to understand why I tried it once (reiterate that!) and so I lied I apologize.". Now #2 - my family is rife with addiction. My husband's is clean as a whistle. I said and say still (they are 18 and 21): you have a 50/50 shot of addiction. Just think about it, when offered drugs and alcohol. Just think about it. People go for years without any signs of addiction, and suddenly, they are in a deep addiction. So, just think about what you do before you do it.
Please note that Requiem is sexually explicit, not in a way that encourages but the opposite however you may want to prescreen and consider fast forwarding over that part based on what is appropriate for your daughter.
There are some powerful movies on addiction that show young people with all potential one would wish slowly decline and lose control of their lives in a way that I think young people understand Requiem for a dream would be a good one to watch with her and have a conversation. And I've heard euphoria is really good but I have not watched it. As a person in recovery who was raised around people who abuse substances people really misunderstand how one goes from being experimental to addicted, which is why I think these shows are worth watching with her.