I identify with so much he said and you've written. After 9 years of complete sobriety, about 10 years ago, I began to drink again - (meth had been the drug that almost killed me.) One of the reasons was because I had just fallen out of love with AA and I couldn't stand to hear Variation #162 of the same share come out of my mouth. Not to mention, there were about 10 people I just couldn't bear to hear (same share, no variation) over and over again. I discovered that I did not follow the script AA drums into you that you will pick up right where you left off. It simply was not the case with me and a really enjoy my wine while rarely having more than 2 glasses. (Honestly.) But I sure can't go back in the rooms and share this, because damn, if complete abstinence is working for you, but ALL MEANS don't risk it. It just turned out, in my case, that workaholism ended up supplanting my alcoholism, but that's a good addiction and effectively blunted the desire to "party." And I just got older and my testosterone dropped and that turned out to be a lot of my "every-night-fever," driving me out to the bars almost nightly.
But I will never say anything against AA and think it's pretty genius -- even if I think it's mostly just really cheap group therapy. I just did so much work in those room to fill that "god-hole" I'd used booze and meth to fill, and I really did patch up that hole and plaster over it and paint it and eventually, there was no wound for the daily band-aid of a meeting to staunch. So they became repetitive and boring. Please I never really did become a believer in God. I'd rather spend the time working or writing. But I appreciate being able to talk about this whole process- because to share this with any program people (I'm still friends with so many on FB) would just sound like I'm in denial and probably lying about my drink/drug use.
And I really think the anonymity principle is a bit of a relic of a time where there was a lot of shame about being/having been an alcoholic. I think it's outlived it's usefuleness. Not to mention, change the "he" pronoun for God -- they've done that in CMA, but AA is SO rigid in resisting any change.
It's so refreshing to be able to talk about AA with this level of nuance! I, too, think the program is genius in many ways (and wildly antiquated in others). But I love the idea that people are using it the way JR is—following the old AA adage of "take what you need and leave the rest." I wish more people would do the same (and be open about it!).
I also think that a huge downfall of anonymity is that many active alcoholics and addicts who may look up to celebrities and rock stars etc., who have gotten sober, don’t know how they did it and that you don’t need expensive rehab - just go to a meeting. I think this is gradually breaking down though. I wrote a blog with contributors for CMA for several years, and some of the material was really great, but there could be no commenting without the revelation of identity, and that was seen to violate anonymity. Too bad.
I agree—I think ppl should feel comfortable not being anonymous if that’s what they want. I still like the notion of default anonymity around meetings and never outing another person, but individuals should be able to speak openly about themselves.
I read the interview in the Times and I came away really appreciating "Mr. Roll" and not liking the interviewer very much. I thought Jelly Roll was open and warm in the conversation and David Marchese showed himself to be limited in his ability to appreciate a life with challenges like Jelly Roll's. And Jelly Roll respectfully and gently schooled him and did not cower in shame as the interviewers questions might have made many of us cower. I also really appreciate hearing stories of people building a life after pursuing a harm reduction approach to their recovery, it's the path my loved one is taking and really makes sense for them. The interview made me more secure in my cautious optimism.
I agree; I wasn’t thrilled with the interviewer and wish it had been done by someone more knowledgeable about recovery and recovery-related issues. But I’m so glad it helped you feel more secure with your loved one taking the harm reduction approach. One of the reasons I started this newsletter was to help illuminate how many different, totally valid paths there are in recovery.
That's fascinating to learn that Bill Wilson explicitly said the focus is only on alcohol. I've hesitated to use the word sober to describe myself, as only I'm sober when it comes to alcohol (as Jelly Roll so eloquently put it, it's the one that was really hard for me to get away from). I'm very happy where I am, and I chafe at the idea that by not being 100% clean of everything potentially addicting that I'm somehow not doing it right, but I also don't want to use a word that doesn't properly describe me. Anyway, thanks for the lovely article!
Same! I think he had incredible foresight—he was worried if AA tried to address anything other than alcohol, it would inevitably fray and possibly dissolve. Given that it's going strong 90 years later, he was probably right. And I agree with you—for me, sobriety is abstinence from the substance to which I was addicted. Other people can rightfully have other definitions, but that's the one that makes sense for me.
I appreciate you sharing this very much. We don't hear enough about the various ways we can work our own recovery in ways that we need while still being respectful of others' paths. Many thanks!
I identify with so much he said and you've written. After 9 years of complete sobriety, about 10 years ago, I began to drink again - (meth had been the drug that almost killed me.) One of the reasons was because I had just fallen out of love with AA and I couldn't stand to hear Variation #162 of the same share come out of my mouth. Not to mention, there were about 10 people I just couldn't bear to hear (same share, no variation) over and over again. I discovered that I did not follow the script AA drums into you that you will pick up right where you left off. It simply was not the case with me and a really enjoy my wine while rarely having more than 2 glasses. (Honestly.) But I sure can't go back in the rooms and share this, because damn, if complete abstinence is working for you, but ALL MEANS don't risk it. It just turned out, in my case, that workaholism ended up supplanting my alcoholism, but that's a good addiction and effectively blunted the desire to "party." And I just got older and my testosterone dropped and that turned out to be a lot of my "every-night-fever," driving me out to the bars almost nightly.
But I will never say anything against AA and think it's pretty genius -- even if I think it's mostly just really cheap group therapy. I just did so much work in those room to fill that "god-hole" I'd used booze and meth to fill, and I really did patch up that hole and plaster over it and paint it and eventually, there was no wound for the daily band-aid of a meeting to staunch. So they became repetitive and boring. Please I never really did become a believer in God. I'd rather spend the time working or writing. But I appreciate being able to talk about this whole process- because to share this with any program people (I'm still friends with so many on FB) would just sound like I'm in denial and probably lying about my drink/drug use.
And I really think the anonymity principle is a bit of a relic of a time where there was a lot of shame about being/having been an alcoholic. I think it's outlived it's usefuleness. Not to mention, change the "he" pronoun for God -- they've done that in CMA, but AA is SO rigid in resisting any change.
It's so refreshing to be able to talk about AA with this level of nuance! I, too, think the program is genius in many ways (and wildly antiquated in others). But I love the idea that people are using it the way JR is—following the old AA adage of "take what you need and leave the rest." I wish more people would do the same (and be open about it!).
I also think that a huge downfall of anonymity is that many active alcoholics and addicts who may look up to celebrities and rock stars etc., who have gotten sober, don’t know how they did it and that you don’t need expensive rehab - just go to a meeting. I think this is gradually breaking down though. I wrote a blog with contributors for CMA for several years, and some of the material was really great, but there could be no commenting without the revelation of identity, and that was seen to violate anonymity. Too bad.
I agree—I think ppl should feel comfortable not being anonymous if that’s what they want. I still like the notion of default anonymity around meetings and never outing another person, but individuals should be able to speak openly about themselves.
I read the interview in the Times and I came away really appreciating "Mr. Roll" and not liking the interviewer very much. I thought Jelly Roll was open and warm in the conversation and David Marchese showed himself to be limited in his ability to appreciate a life with challenges like Jelly Roll's. And Jelly Roll respectfully and gently schooled him and did not cower in shame as the interviewers questions might have made many of us cower. I also really appreciate hearing stories of people building a life after pursuing a harm reduction approach to their recovery, it's the path my loved one is taking and really makes sense for them. The interview made me more secure in my cautious optimism.
I agree; I wasn’t thrilled with the interviewer and wish it had been done by someone more knowledgeable about recovery and recovery-related issues. But I’m so glad it helped you feel more secure with your loved one taking the harm reduction approach. One of the reasons I started this newsletter was to help illuminate how many different, totally valid paths there are in recovery.
That's fascinating to learn that Bill Wilson explicitly said the focus is only on alcohol. I've hesitated to use the word sober to describe myself, as only I'm sober when it comes to alcohol (as Jelly Roll so eloquently put it, it's the one that was really hard for me to get away from). I'm very happy where I am, and I chafe at the idea that by not being 100% clean of everything potentially addicting that I'm somehow not doing it right, but I also don't want to use a word that doesn't properly describe me. Anyway, thanks for the lovely article!
Same! I think he had incredible foresight—he was worried if AA tried to address anything other than alcohol, it would inevitably fray and possibly dissolve. Given that it's going strong 90 years later, he was probably right. And I agree with you—for me, sobriety is abstinence from the substance to which I was addicted. Other people can rightfully have other definitions, but that's the one that makes sense for me.
I appreciate you sharing this very much. We don't hear enough about the various ways we can work our own recovery in ways that we need while still being respectful of others' paths. Many thanks!
Thank you!