I tried AA when I first quit, but it was full of predators, men 8 hours sober looking for a damaged female to manipulate. I stopped going. As an atheist, it was also hard to constantly be told that I had to believe in fake shit to get sober. I bare-knuckled it & had no support, not even from family. It’s wonderful that there are now meetings for females only & for atheists. The old days of AA were dangerous for women & unwelcoming to non-believers. I still celebrate every “birthday” alone & buy my own chips. My sobriety is an internal thing. It had to be. Each person needs to figure out what sobriety means to them & not be cowed to self-judgement for not following a particular protocol or path. 30 years sober.
AA were the shock troops that got me sober but I found i needed something else to help me live sober.
I now go to, and facilitate, Smart recovery meetings. But I also go to a couple AA and even an NA meeting. I like the way those particular groups work and i really like the people there.
Recovery meetings are part of the community i need/want in life.
I stopped going to meetings before, I was 5-6 years sober, during the second time in the program. I was "barely" an alcoholic when I got sober. I wanted to be able to not cheat on my new husband when I drank, lol. I still had some control about when I would drink; it's when I did take a drink, I was always out for oblivion. That was from my first drunk at 15 years old. Getting sober at 25, I took to the sober life, after a couple of years, very well. I had a sponsor and took the steps. I stayed sober 17 years, 11 outside of the rooms. I have other mental issues other than alcoholism (alcohol abuse disorder). It has caused me to impulsively take a drink, more than once and most of the time, I was going to meetings and working a program. People ruin AA for me, hahaha. I'm 8 years sober now and only went to meetings in the first year. I got sober this time with the thinking that I'd rather die than take a drink again. I mean that very much, still today. I am now convinced that taking a drink will instantly destroy my life as I know it and ruin my whole world, that's a fact. I am powerless over alcohol, I don't struggle with it, I don't drink. I worked the steps enough to have had a psychic change it just took me forever to stop hurting myself.
I've been sober since 1991. My AA attendance dwindled after about ten years. I returned to college post sobriety and worked as a substance abuse/addiction counselor. After that the meetings seemed less like support and more like being at work. I have friends in AA and Alanon, so I have folks to call and I can always return to meetings if I start feeling squirrelly.
Loved this! AA became the foundation of my recovery after I finished treatment, and even though I have some issues with it (go to a business meeting and try not to start hating people, lol), I know it will likely be something I keep in my life for a long time. Even if I take a step back, I know I always have a seat there, and more often than not, nothing beats talking to another alcoholic when things are tough.
I found this article and all the comments really interesting. I appreciate AA and my sponsor for my first year of sobriety, but I stayed on another 4 years trying to fit in and always feeling like an outsider. I finally figured out that a lot of these people are sick too. They found something that worked for them, and in my small city, it was very cliquey, and I just never found a group of people that welcomed me (and believe me, I tried!). In fact, there were some women with long-time sobriety and a strong standing in AA that were just mean girls (well, women, since they were in the 50s and 60s). At 6 years sober, I no longer go to meetings and have found a variety of other supports (Dharma Recovery, therapy, creative pursuits, meditation) and when I look back on years 2-5 in AA, I'm surprised I stayed sober. I felt so terrible about not fitting in anywhere - even in this place with other alcoholics - that I assumed there was something very very wrong with me as a human being. Now that I have some distance, I just realize it was never a good fit. I didn't fit in because I like to think for myself, I don't toe the party line, I am an atheist, and life has never been better now that I have customized my own program. I never bought into the trope that you will slip if you stop going to meetings (I think most of the people who say that have just replaced addiction to alcohol with addiction to other people's trauma and a desire for power, even though it's just power over a bunch of drunks!) but that's me. The most important thing is that AA is a starting point and I am grateful for it, but as they say, look things in the face and see them for what they are. AA is one-size-fits-all, so if a little voice inside you is telling you that something's not quite right, LISTEN TO IT, take the parts of the program that work for you, and leave the rest. I've never been happier since doing exactly that!
Thanks for this. I'm only a year or so in and attend meetings daily. I listen to SoberCast pod too. Eventually my AA group might be windowed down to God, the Big Book and me...
I tried AA when I first quit, but it was full of predators, men 8 hours sober looking for a damaged female to manipulate. I stopped going. As an atheist, it was also hard to constantly be told that I had to believe in fake shit to get sober. I bare-knuckled it & had no support, not even from family. It’s wonderful that there are now meetings for females only & for atheists. The old days of AA were dangerous for women & unwelcoming to non-believers. I still celebrate every “birthday” alone & buy my own chips. My sobriety is an internal thing. It had to be. Each person needs to figure out what sobriety means to them & not be cowed to self-judgement for not following a particular protocol or path. 30 years sober.
AA were the shock troops that got me sober but I found i needed something else to help me live sober.
I now go to, and facilitate, Smart recovery meetings. But I also go to a couple AA and even an NA meeting. I like the way those particular groups work and i really like the people there.
Recovery meetings are part of the community i need/want in life.
I love this
I stopped going to meetings before, I was 5-6 years sober, during the second time in the program. I was "barely" an alcoholic when I got sober. I wanted to be able to not cheat on my new husband when I drank, lol. I still had some control about when I would drink; it's when I did take a drink, I was always out for oblivion. That was from my first drunk at 15 years old. Getting sober at 25, I took to the sober life, after a couple of years, very well. I had a sponsor and took the steps. I stayed sober 17 years, 11 outside of the rooms. I have other mental issues other than alcoholism (alcohol abuse disorder). It has caused me to impulsively take a drink, more than once and most of the time, I was going to meetings and working a program. People ruin AA for me, hahaha. I'm 8 years sober now and only went to meetings in the first year. I got sober this time with the thinking that I'd rather die than take a drink again. I mean that very much, still today. I am now convinced that taking a drink will instantly destroy my life as I know it and ruin my whole world, that's a fact. I am powerless over alcohol, I don't struggle with it, I don't drink. I worked the steps enough to have had a psychic change it just took me forever to stop hurting myself.
I've been sober since 1991. My AA attendance dwindled after about ten years. I returned to college post sobriety and worked as a substance abuse/addiction counselor. After that the meetings seemed less like support and more like being at work. I have friends in AA and Alanon, so I have folks to call and I can always return to meetings if I start feeling squirrelly.
The online SMART Recovery meetings are great because people can attend different groups until they find the right "fit" for themselves.
Loved this! AA became the foundation of my recovery after I finished treatment, and even though I have some issues with it (go to a business meeting and try not to start hating people, lol), I know it will likely be something I keep in my life for a long time. Even if I take a step back, I know I always have a seat there, and more often than not, nothing beats talking to another alcoholic when things are tough.
Yes! (Also so real about business meetings lol)
I found this article and all the comments really interesting. I appreciate AA and my sponsor for my first year of sobriety, but I stayed on another 4 years trying to fit in and always feeling like an outsider. I finally figured out that a lot of these people are sick too. They found something that worked for them, and in my small city, it was very cliquey, and I just never found a group of people that welcomed me (and believe me, I tried!). In fact, there were some women with long-time sobriety and a strong standing in AA that were just mean girls (well, women, since they were in the 50s and 60s). At 6 years sober, I no longer go to meetings and have found a variety of other supports (Dharma Recovery, therapy, creative pursuits, meditation) and when I look back on years 2-5 in AA, I'm surprised I stayed sober. I felt so terrible about not fitting in anywhere - even in this place with other alcoholics - that I assumed there was something very very wrong with me as a human being. Now that I have some distance, I just realize it was never a good fit. I didn't fit in because I like to think for myself, I don't toe the party line, I am an atheist, and life has never been better now that I have customized my own program. I never bought into the trope that you will slip if you stop going to meetings (I think most of the people who say that have just replaced addiction to alcohol with addiction to other people's trauma and a desire for power, even though it's just power over a bunch of drunks!) but that's me. The most important thing is that AA is a starting point and I am grateful for it, but as they say, look things in the face and see them for what they are. AA is one-size-fits-all, so if a little voice inside you is telling you that something's not quite right, LISTEN TO IT, take the parts of the program that work for you, and leave the rest. I've never been happier since doing exactly that!
i’m so glad you found what worked for you!
Thanks for this. I'm only a year or so in and attend meetings daily. I listen to SoberCast pod too. Eventually my AA group might be windowed down to God, the Big Book and me...