I am so sorry about Sally, Katie. Coincidentally, I also have a rescue chihuahua who I chose from the pack of clamoring chihuahuas because she was hiding at the back. They are the best ones! I can’t even contemplate her passing (she’s 10 and also has heart problems along with seizures, the latter medicated) so my heart is shredded for you. I’m glad you played it forward about drinking and the fact that it only makes things worse. I find that a very effective thing for me to do whenever the thought of a drink crosses my mind. Thank you for sharing your struggle during this impossible time. Sending you much love and strength. ❤️
Aww I love that you picked your chi the same way! They’re the ones who need us (and us them) the most. It’s so painful to imagine a world without them, but let’s appreciate every moment we have with them
I lost a rescue chihuahua who was deeply bonded to me this spring. He had rotten teeth and terrible breath, and he loved to lie on my pillow and lick my face. And I let him.
I wasn't sober for 2016, but I was -- AM -- 3+ years sober for this, and this is the closest I came to falling off. I really, truly came so, so close. I wanted nothing more than to be completely obliterated. But at this point, it's ego keeping me sober, like I can't just break this streak. In retrospect, it wouldn't have been worth it. I also have a parasocial, celebrity sober buddy and I just could not let my buddy down. The smaller reasons not to drink outnumbered the one big reason I wanted to.
Also, my Peggy girl is 10 years old. I held her very close these last few days.
Thank you. So relatable. I love my own tremble-prone dog just as much as you love yours. And I also had a fleeting thought after five sober years that I wanted to pour a drink on all of this, but like I said, it was fleeting. It helps to know you are out here just saying these things. Now it’s time to get off-line and go engage with all the life around me.
PS - Hubbell’s “Let’s Take It Slow” helped me, too. All of the so-called postmortem blame game hits like plain old mortem to me so no thanks for that, internets
Yes. Thank you for sharing your earnest story filled with compassionate insight, honesty, and some perspective on the bigger picture. Staying sober right now is brutal; I used substances because I felt compelled to erase, block, and numb out the pain of being alive. In hard times, I still feel that reflex it numb it all out, as familiar as the back of my hand. But living sober is no joke; it is literally the difference between life or death. I chose staying alive.
I’m sorry to hear about your good puppy’s illness. Similarly I have an elderly cat, who has been dealing many health issues. I can relate to that overwhelming, unbearable fear of losing the creature who I love more than anything. Especially for trauma survivors, animals often feel like the one thing we can count on, feel safe with, give our trust and love to unconditionally. Your essay feels like a vital lifeline amid a dark tumultuous sea of utter despair and hopelessness. You’re exactly right; do not let the bad guys drag us down. The orange monster doesn’t get to take that power from us. The line: “both make me wish I could stop time. Both make me feel like I’m stuck in some fucked up nightmare. Both make me want to drink.” Yep. Yet in spite of everything, I’m not giving up. For the sake of survival, self preservation, and having a beating open heart, I’m staying sober. I’ll fight the good fight to protect the most vulnerable people among us. Thank you for writing from the heart. Grateful for your acts of service and support for our sober community. No one is alone, and there’s strength in solidarity.
Thank you, Jessica, and thanks for sharing about your cat—I’m sorry you’re going through something similar with your cat. They are such a part of us, and living without them feels unfathomable, especially when the world is as scary and foreboding as it is right now. But you’re right; it helps to know we’re not alone. <3
Thank you for this. It was a very hard day and there will be a lot of them in front of us. But your framing of not letting this person take my sobriety is very, very helpful. 💗
For a brief moment this morning I thought "why not pick back up? What does it matter?" It only took about 10 seconds to realize, what the hell would that solve? That would improve nothing, and only add hangovers. Disturbing that it even crossed my mind, but glad my brain made the right choice.
i think it's great that it crossed your mind—it means you're aware of it and can actively (mentally) reject the idea. glad you were able to see the thought for what it was.
Eight months and NOGODDAMNBODY is taking my sobriety. Thanks for sharing this. I can't wait to get my first "sober" doggo!
Congratulations on 8 months! And a sober doggo is the best!
I am so sorry about Sally, Katie. Coincidentally, I also have a rescue chihuahua who I chose from the pack of clamoring chihuahuas because she was hiding at the back. They are the best ones! I can’t even contemplate her passing (she’s 10 and also has heart problems along with seizures, the latter medicated) so my heart is shredded for you. I’m glad you played it forward about drinking and the fact that it only makes things worse. I find that a very effective thing for me to do whenever the thought of a drink crosses my mind. Thank you for sharing your struggle during this impossible time. Sending you much love and strength. ❤️
Aww I love that you picked your chi the same way! They’re the ones who need us (and us them) the most. It’s so painful to imagine a world without them, but let’s appreciate every moment we have with them
Long live Sally 🩷
❤️❤️
I lost a rescue chihuahua who was deeply bonded to me this spring. He had rotten teeth and terrible breath, and he loved to lie on my pillow and lick my face. And I let him.
I still miss him.
Best wishes to you both.
Oh god, I’m so sorry for your loss (and I’m all too familiar with the kind of breath you’re talking about)
I wasn't sober for 2016, but I was -- AM -- 3+ years sober for this, and this is the closest I came to falling off. I really, truly came so, so close. I wanted nothing more than to be completely obliterated. But at this point, it's ego keeping me sober, like I can't just break this streak. In retrospect, it wouldn't have been worth it. I also have a parasocial, celebrity sober buddy and I just could not let my buddy down. The smaller reasons not to drink outnumbered the one big reason I wanted to.
Also, my Peggy girl is 10 years old. I held her very close these last few days.
Thank you. So relatable. I love my own tremble-prone dog just as much as you love yours. And I also had a fleeting thought after five sober years that I wanted to pour a drink on all of this, but like I said, it was fleeting. It helps to know you are out here just saying these things. Now it’s time to get off-line and go engage with all the life around me.
PS - Hubbell’s “Let’s Take It Slow” helped me, too. All of the so-called postmortem blame game hits like plain old mortem to me so no thanks for that, internets
https://substack.com/home/post/p-151362704
Thank you, so nice to connect with you 💛
Yes. Thank you for sharing your earnest story filled with compassionate insight, honesty, and some perspective on the bigger picture. Staying sober right now is brutal; I used substances because I felt compelled to erase, block, and numb out the pain of being alive. In hard times, I still feel that reflex it numb it all out, as familiar as the back of my hand. But living sober is no joke; it is literally the difference between life or death. I chose staying alive.
I’m sorry to hear about your good puppy’s illness. Similarly I have an elderly cat, who has been dealing many health issues. I can relate to that overwhelming, unbearable fear of losing the creature who I love more than anything. Especially for trauma survivors, animals often feel like the one thing we can count on, feel safe with, give our trust and love to unconditionally. Your essay feels like a vital lifeline amid a dark tumultuous sea of utter despair and hopelessness. You’re exactly right; do not let the bad guys drag us down. The orange monster doesn’t get to take that power from us. The line: “both make me wish I could stop time. Both make me feel like I’m stuck in some fucked up nightmare. Both make me want to drink.” Yep. Yet in spite of everything, I’m not giving up. For the sake of survival, self preservation, and having a beating open heart, I’m staying sober. I’ll fight the good fight to protect the most vulnerable people among us. Thank you for writing from the heart. Grateful for your acts of service and support for our sober community. No one is alone, and there’s strength in solidarity.
Thank you, Jessica, and thanks for sharing about your cat—I’m sorry you’re going through something similar with your cat. They are such a part of us, and living without them feels unfathomable, especially when the world is as scary and foreboding as it is right now. But you’re right; it helps to know we’re not alone. <3
Thank you for this. It was a very hard day and there will be a lot of them in front of us. But your framing of not letting this person take my sobriety is very, very helpful. 💗
I’m so glad it was helpful 💕
For a brief moment this morning I thought "why not pick back up? What does it matter?" It only took about 10 seconds to realize, what the hell would that solve? That would improve nothing, and only add hangovers. Disturbing that it even crossed my mind, but glad my brain made the right choice.
i think it's great that it crossed your mind—it means you're aware of it and can actively (mentally) reject the idea. glad you were able to see the thought for what it was.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you💛