Man I related to this one. Though when you said "This is not a post about parenting", I immediately thought that no, this is absolutely a post about parenting - about parenting your inner children, especially those young ones that still express their needs by throwing a fit. (I'm a huge fan of IFS, if it wasn't obvious.)
As for cravings, still working on that one. But when I was quitting drinking, just the knowledge that cravings pass was so helpful. Knowing I didn't have to hold out all night, but often just for 5 minutes was incredibly beneficial. And in that theme, finding something else to occupy my brain, even if it was just doing a quick chore or playing a game on my phone or anything else to just switch my mental context was often enough to get through it.
This is a great perspective and something I wish I’d read in my early days of white knuckling it. I’ve also come to learn after almost four years without drinking that the wine witch who calls around 5pm is just my wounded inner child inside that tried to grow up but didn’t know how. It’s something many struggle with and there isn’t actually something “wrong” with me. It’s how I learned to cope with tricky situations all those years ago. The quick fix. The fast escape. I’m constantly trying to teach my ten year old daughter about proper coping skills now. And just yesterday as she was having a fit over something that didn’t go her way she screamed at me “I don’t want to breathe deeply or count to ten!” 😆
Ooh this one made me smile. Pretty sure we all have a little Veruca Salt in us...I know my kids do (and guess what, so do I)! It's how we tame her, right? I'm still working on it, but like you so sagely put it, it's best to place as many steps as possible in between you and that liquor store. I'm grateful my husband doesn't like wine or I might have been in trouble in my sobriety journey. Even so, I've been put to the test around many a desirable "golden goose" where I'm triggered and silently screaming "I want it nowwww!" But then I play the tape forward, grab a seltzer and feel better...not sugar frosted O's better...but lighter enough to move on with my life and think back to what I was doing before the craving hit - shoot, laundry! Really wonderful article here, loved it!
Hi Katie, I relate to both the alcohol craving (from back in the day - I’m nearly 5 years sober) and the child’s meltdown (I have a 3 year old!) And interestingly I use a parenting analogy sometimes when talking about cravings, or the addictive voice, but in a slightly different way from what you describe here. It was actually a game changer for me the day I realised I could turn towards my addictive voice with love. To acknowledge it, listen to it, and set a boundary - just like with a child. Eg ‘I hear you. You think I should drink. I know you’re trying to help. And I’m not going to drink.’ Or with a kid ‘Yes, I get it. You really want another ice cream. You’re feeling frustrated and angry with me. And I’m not going to get you another ice cream.’ With the craving, for me, it almost always faded - and now, in my nearly 5 years sober, I’ve had the urge to drink less than a handful of times. With my child it’s harder lol! Usually the meltdown still happens. And sometimes I just give in to preserve my sanity!!
Man I related to this one. Though when you said "This is not a post about parenting", I immediately thought that no, this is absolutely a post about parenting - about parenting your inner children, especially those young ones that still express their needs by throwing a fit. (I'm a huge fan of IFS, if it wasn't obvious.)
As for cravings, still working on that one. But when I was quitting drinking, just the knowledge that cravings pass was so helpful. Knowing I didn't have to hold out all night, but often just for 5 minutes was incredibly beneficial. And in that theme, finding something else to occupy my brain, even if it was just doing a quick chore or playing a game on my phone or anything else to just switch my mental context was often enough to get through it.
Yes, definitely parenting advice for oneself. I just didn’t want to get yelled at by parents like YOU’VE NEVER EVEN CHANGED A DIAPER!
Hahahaha. Fair enough.
This is a great perspective and something I wish I’d read in my early days of white knuckling it. I’ve also come to learn after almost four years without drinking that the wine witch who calls around 5pm is just my wounded inner child inside that tried to grow up but didn’t know how. It’s something many struggle with and there isn’t actually something “wrong” with me. It’s how I learned to cope with tricky situations all those years ago. The quick fix. The fast escape. I’m constantly trying to teach my ten year old daughter about proper coping skills now. And just yesterday as she was having a fit over something that didn’t go her way she screamed at me “I don’t want to breathe deeply or count to ten!” 😆
Ahaha amazing! Thank you for reading (and writing)
Ooh this one made me smile. Pretty sure we all have a little Veruca Salt in us...I know my kids do (and guess what, so do I)! It's how we tame her, right? I'm still working on it, but like you so sagely put it, it's best to place as many steps as possible in between you and that liquor store. I'm grateful my husband doesn't like wine or I might have been in trouble in my sobriety journey. Even so, I've been put to the test around many a desirable "golden goose" where I'm triggered and silently screaming "I want it nowwww!" But then I play the tape forward, grab a seltzer and feel better...not sugar frosted O's better...but lighter enough to move on with my life and think back to what I was doing before the craving hit - shoot, laundry! Really wonderful article here, loved it!
Definitely, it’s all about how we keep Veruca in check. Thanks so much for reading and responding <3
Hi Katie, I relate to both the alcohol craving (from back in the day - I’m nearly 5 years sober) and the child’s meltdown (I have a 3 year old!) And interestingly I use a parenting analogy sometimes when talking about cravings, or the addictive voice, but in a slightly different way from what you describe here. It was actually a game changer for me the day I realised I could turn towards my addictive voice with love. To acknowledge it, listen to it, and set a boundary - just like with a child. Eg ‘I hear you. You think I should drink. I know you’re trying to help. And I’m not going to drink.’ Or with a kid ‘Yes, I get it. You really want another ice cream. You’re feeling frustrated and angry with me. And I’m not going to get you another ice cream.’ With the craving, for me, it almost always faded - and now, in my nearly 5 years sober, I’ve had the urge to drink less than a handful of times. With my child it’s harder lol! Usually the meltdown still happens. And sometimes I just give in to preserve my sanity!!