The line that got me in the writer's question was how people in their personal life don't know how much they were drinking. I found that a lot of the resistence I got from people who didn't think I had a problem were in that camp of not realizing. And worse yet, they didn't know how much I *wanted* to drink. I know it's not the same as being dismissed when you tell people. But at the end of the day, we have to get sober for ourselves and believe we need the help so we can get it. Anyone who thinks we don't need that help (or don't need it badly enough or drank enough) is just someone to avoid, at least in the beginning. There are enough people who support us, and that's who we should focus on.
If there is an Intergroup office in your town, call them and ask for a “young person’s” group. I’ve been around the doors for over 3decades and these sort of old timers make me sick. Pay no attention to the small people who act this way! There are young groups that are much more open minded. Good luck!🍀
Great advice! I’d also like to suggest Dharma Recovery which has in-person and online meetings. Just keep trying and you’ll find the right fit or hear the thing that resonates.
Just wrote today about how the fear of this kind of dismissal added some grit on my path toward sobriety. Loved your response and really appreciate the question 💛
I feel your pain as I’ve had similar experiences. You’re right - it’s about the desire to stop drinking and nothing else - no need to question yourself about that one.
Some old guy might be able to drink more, that’s just so great for him but he’s missed the whole point of the recovery community.
I’d suggest finding another meeting and I recommend NA instead of AA. For me NA is much more welcoming and nothing about god which for me is a big deal.
I’d also suggest a reply along the lines of “how do you think those comments are helpful to a newcomer” if you’re able to.
DM me anytime if you are struggling and remember that you are not alone.
I don't know, it seems to me that alcoholics of my persuasion have a knack for other people's BS, not their own, mind you, but other peoples. I was immensely fortunate to be delivered to AA and within 24 hours I KNEW I wanted what "they" had - any "qualifications" be damned!
As I think back on those first days, I believe I was certain, beyond doubt, that to continue doing it my way lay Death. Already, in my heart, I knew I was "qualified", that is, I knew I wanted to live.
If you're still paying attention to 'what people say', listen to what a very special friend (and therapist) advised me, "Go Home, and mind your own business", and then she gave a warm hug and smiled.
Nowhere in the Big Book do they define alcoholism by the amount we drank. It’s a dangerous thing, in my opinion, to send the message that “how much” is the qualification. Loss of control, consequences of my drinking, and the idea that our alcoholism is “but a symptom” are far more important than “I drank a handle of vodka every night.”
The line that is common around me is “I spilled more alcohol than you drank!” Congrats..? I despise people who joke about stuff like this. Another thing that these people are forgetting is that in AA, “the newcomer is the most important person in the room.” Really glad that the OP found supportive people as well. AA has helped me get to almost 10 years of sobriety but a lot of that has depended on finding my people (and I’ve made such incredible friendships) and avoiding unwelcoming or creepy jerks.
As someone in long term recovery this is the sh*t that pisses me off...thank you Katie for your thoughtful reply. A A is there and will continue to be there for ANYONE who has the desire to stop drinking. Tradition 3.
I pray that this does not keep her from continuing to come back. 🙏
The line that got me in the writer's question was how people in their personal life don't know how much they were drinking. I found that a lot of the resistence I got from people who didn't think I had a problem were in that camp of not realizing. And worse yet, they didn't know how much I *wanted* to drink. I know it's not the same as being dismissed when you tell people. But at the end of the day, we have to get sober for ourselves and believe we need the help so we can get it. Anyone who thinks we don't need that help (or don't need it badly enough or drank enough) is just someone to avoid, at least in the beginning. There are enough people who support us, and that's who we should focus on.
SUCH a great point!
If there is an Intergroup office in your town, call them and ask for a “young person’s” group. I’ve been around the doors for over 3decades and these sort of old timers make me sick. Pay no attention to the small people who act this way! There are young groups that are much more open minded. Good luck!🍀
Great advice! I’d also like to suggest Dharma Recovery which has in-person and online meetings. Just keep trying and you’ll find the right fit or hear the thing that resonates.
Yes! I’ve heard great things about it.
Just wrote today about how the fear of this kind of dismissal added some grit on my path toward sobriety. Loved your response and really appreciate the question 💛
Thank you! I look forward to reading your piece!
I feel your pain as I’ve had similar experiences. You’re right - it’s about the desire to stop drinking and nothing else - no need to question yourself about that one.
Some old guy might be able to drink more, that’s just so great for him but he’s missed the whole point of the recovery community.
I’d suggest finding another meeting and I recommend NA instead of AA. For me NA is much more welcoming and nothing about god which for me is a big deal.
I’d also suggest a reply along the lines of “how do you think those comments are helpful to a newcomer” if you’re able to.
DM me anytime if you are struggling and remember that you are not alone.
Great response. I'm happy to report that not only do i agree with your observations, but I also live them.
I'm very glad to follow your comments!
What did I hear? Was it what was said?
I don't know, it seems to me that alcoholics of my persuasion have a knack for other people's BS, not their own, mind you, but other peoples. I was immensely fortunate to be delivered to AA and within 24 hours I KNEW I wanted what "they" had - any "qualifications" be damned!
As I think back on those first days, I believe I was certain, beyond doubt, that to continue doing it my way lay Death. Already, in my heart, I knew I was "qualified", that is, I knew I wanted to live.
If you're still paying attention to 'what people say', listen to what a very special friend (and therapist) advised me, "Go Home, and mind your own business", and then she gave a warm hug and smiled.
Nowhere in the Big Book do they define alcoholism by the amount we drank. It’s a dangerous thing, in my opinion, to send the message that “how much” is the qualification. Loss of control, consequences of my drinking, and the idea that our alcoholism is “but a symptom” are far more important than “I drank a handle of vodka every night.”
The line that is common around me is “I spilled more alcohol than you drank!” Congrats..? I despise people who joke about stuff like this. Another thing that these people are forgetting is that in AA, “the newcomer is the most important person in the room.” Really glad that the OP found supportive people as well. AA has helped me get to almost 10 years of sobriety but a lot of that has depended on finding my people (and I’ve made such incredible friendships) and avoiding unwelcoming or creepy jerks.
As someone in long term recovery this is the sh*t that pisses me off...thank you Katie for your thoughtful reply. A A is there and will continue to be there for ANYONE who has the desire to stop drinking. Tradition 3.
I pray that this does not keep her from continuing to come back. 🙏